EXO Next Door (우리 옆집에 EXO가 산다) Episode 10 Recap

Previously: The rest of EXO meets Yeonhee. Kai flirts with her to make Chanyeol jelly. Grandpa gives Chanyeol some not-so-helpful advice on where to find the necklace. Kai gives Yeonhee some hand cream.

It's night. We open with Chanyeol furiously digging. In, uh, the front yard of House EXO. Not anywhere else. Like, not in any bodily orifices. *AHEM* He tells no one in particular that he's digging under Gramps's favorite tree. He's grunting angrily and jerkily moving the shovel, so you know he's Upset. He throws the shovel and yells "Why the heck can't I find it?" You mean Grandpa's trophies from his kills? His hoard of Hello Kitty stickers? (Yeah, yeah, I know, it's the necklace.) 

Having thrown the shovel, Chanyeol starts furiously pawing in the dirt like a rabid badger. Flashback to Grandpa explaining that he had two necklaces (just in case the idiot audience forgot) and that the second one is "close by". Ooookay...why not turn the house upside down first? Maybe his parents did something to it. Maybe he should dig ALL AROUND THE TREE instead of one small hole. Defeated, Chanyeol falls back on the lawn. Sweaty-haired and looking despondently just past the camera, he mutters "where did he hide it?" 

On a side note, on the street just in front of Chanyeol, there is an HOV lane symbol. I see those quite a bit in K-dramas on Seoul streets, but never one on a quiet residental street. In real life, I've only ever seen them on highways.



Daytime. Chanyeol is lying in bed coughing. Yeah, a night of furious digging will do that to you. What with all the, uh, dirt and stuff. And cold air. Hoooly crap, Koreans are susceptible to colds. I used to think colds were caused by viruses and not cold air.

In the kitchen, Kai, Sehun, Baekhyun, and D.O. are all at the table. Kai's shirt is funny. 



Yeonhee enters, and Kai calls her "Noona." Wait, what??

Okay, Kai was probably 22 (Korean age) when they made this, and Yeonhee is supposed to
be 23 (Korean age), so I guess she IS his noona. That really threw me, though; I thought Kai was a lot older--maybe 25 (for...some...reason...). Kai tells her to take a seat. D.O. is quietly upset, and thinks to himself, "Noona?" [lol, sorry bby] Sorry, D.O., you're the same age (Korean age) as Yeonhee--she's just your 친구 (friend). 

Baekhyun reports to the group that Chanyeol has a cold (dayum, K-drama Koreans are weak), while Sehun smirks (I'm not sure if that was in the script or Real Sehun just decided to smirk at that moment). Yeonhee expresses concern for Chanyeol's health, and D.O. worriedly downs a cup of some unidentified liquid (tea?), realizing he's losing Yeonhee to both Chanyeol and Kai. 
Kai: (too Yeonhee) Can I ask you something? (u just did, buddy)
D.O.: (turning away from his cup) u better not try anything bitch
Kai: I hear you like me most.
D.O.: *screams inwardly*
Sehun: *acts like his favorite soccer, sorry, 축구 team just scored a goal*
Baekhyun: *facepalms*

The one time where Baekhyun is more mature than Sehun...

Yeonhee: Uh, not really.
Sehun: C'mon, you can tell us. It's OK.
Kai: *whispers in Yeonhee's ear* (GAAH SHE GOT SO CLOSE TO KAI AND CHANYEOL) Is the weather nice [?]
D.O.: i keel u kai
Yeonhee: It's lovely.
Baekhyun: *whispers* Yo, dude, I didn't tell you so you could tease her.
Kai: *tries to stab some food with his fork*
D.O. *flips Kai's fork out of the way and gives him bitch eyes* Rest up for your flight.

Kai: Eh, OK. My work here is done anyway.
D.O.: ????
Kai: (to D.O.) Fighting!
D.O. *surprised*
Bakehyun: I'm surrounded by idiots...

Meanwhile, Chanyeol lies in bed, feverish. He hallucinates being Little Chanyeol again with Grandpa feeling his forehead. He reports that Chanyeol is "burning up" and he "did too much digging". [snerk] (I'm sorry; I'm used to hearing the word "digging" used in a much different context.) Chanyeol begs Grandpa to tell him where the pendant is, and Grandpa says he'll give Chanyeol a "big hint." Apparently, the phrase "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer" is the hint. Chanyeol's like "WTH, Grandpa, that's not a hint. Maybe I'm too sick and I'm hallucinating this. BTW, your face looks really red..." Grandpa's face dissolves into Yeonhee's. She leans over him, gently pressing a wet cloth on his face. Hey Yeonhee, maybe you could give him some medicine, too. Just saying...Sweet music plays, and the camera slowly backs away from them.

Baekhyun sees Kai off. They stop in front of House EXO to chat.
Bakehyun: You're just gonna leave? You don't want to see Chanyeol?
Kai: Nah, he's too sick. 
Kai: Keep me updated on the love triangle. "I'll die of curiosity."  (daaang, these guys are like middle school girls)
Baekhyun: OK.
Kai: Go inside; you'll catch a cold too. Bye. See you. Say hi to Suho for me. 
([??] Isn't Suho somewhere else?? And where is Kai going?? Where were Lay, Xiumin, Chen, and Tao?? (during Baekhyun and Xiumin's call, one of them said it was an international call. Maybe they were in China?) Ugh, whatever.)
Kai: *smirks and looks up at the sky dramatically*

Cue flashback of him sneaking up on Yeonhee as she clears the table. Frickin' flashbacks, man, time in this show really is a wibbly wobbly timey wimey ball of stuff.

Kai: *pokes her* Hi.
Yeonhee: *turning around* Hi.
Kai: "You're dense, right?" [?!] (Well, that's certainly an interesting conversation opener!)
Yeonhee: No, not usually.  (O RLY)
Kai: Then why haven't you ever had a boyfriend? Are you stupid when it comes to guys?
Kai: Can't you sense what's going on in this house? 
Uh...Chanyeol's grandpa is haunting it? (oooh, this would be AWESOME for a horror movie)
Yeonhee: It's usually pretty busy...   
Yeah, the groupies are going in and out at all hours, the fans are breaking down the door, 
you know, the usual.

Kai: Can I tell you a secret?
Yeonhee: What?
Kai: NVM. "It's more fun if you don't know."

Back in the present, Baekhyun and Kai agree to meet in ten days, and Kai leaves. The next morning, Yeonhee is feeling up Chanyeol's forehead when D.O. comes in, framed by the morning sunlight, and oh my gosh he's so cute and little! I want to squeeze him, because cuteness inspires feelings of aggression or something. Yeonhee says that Chanyeol still has a high fever, but he "should sleep it off." She leaves to get another towel, and D.O. turns to watch her go.Now, if this was a horror movie or something darker, he'd totally slit Chanyeol's throat right now. No, smothering him with a pillow would be a lot less messy. 

*Satansoo appears*

Look at those murderous eyes. On a side note, he does REALLY good crazy eyes in Lotto.
He mournfully thinks to himself, "I'm the only one who's not close to her." Oooh, I can feel
the angst dripping off the screen. I really want to mock this, but it's D.O., and he looks 
so cute and little and pitiful...

Meanwhile, Sehun is walking down the street, wearing a different, slightly less puffy 
leather jacket and a very ugly hat. He sees Gwangsu standing at the other end of the 
street, holding one of those ubiquitous Korean black grocery bags. Sehun yells "Hey, brother!" in English, and hurries to hug Gwangsu and say that he (Sehun) missed him (Gwangsu). Aww, skinship! Sehun asks what's in the bag, and Gwangsu responds that it's apples. What, is he gonna make Yeonhee slip on an apple peel now?

Just then, the three schoolgirls from before appear. One of them stops her friends
and says, "Hey, aren't those guys over there EXO members?" Uh, this girl seriously
needs her eyes checked. IF they are big enough fans of EXO to stalk them and find their
house, then they should sure as heck know all the members, and should definitely know how they look from a distance. I can do this with VIXX, EXO, and BTS. Heck, I can do this with Infinite and Beast, and I barely even know their names.

Fortunately, one of her friends has better eyes, and responds that one of them "definitely isn't"; he's "ugly-ass." One of them recognizes Sehun (the Korean pronunciation of Sehun always throws me; I prounounce it out loud and mentally as "See-hun", but it's actually pronounced "Say-hoon") and they start screaming and jumping up and down.

A look of pure terror comes over Sehun's face and he and Gwangsu flee for their lives. The girls chase them, and the shooting style during this scene is very reminiscent of a zombie chase. Poor celebrities--especially EXO. I think I read somewhere that crazy fans stalked them and tried to get their hair or bodily fluids. I guess that's like being chased by zombies. Now VIXX fans--at least the fans that they meet with--are nearly always calm, quiet, and respectful. Korean k-pop fans--especially VIXX fans--are SO LUCKY, oh my word. They don't have to twist their tongues around a whole new language before they can even TALK to them (Yes, I know some k-pop stars speak English very well, like Key from SHINee--daaang boy), they can go to fanmeets/fansigns, they can easily join fancafes, they can read social media posts by their favorite stars, they don't have to travel hundreds of miles to go to fanmeets or concerts, they don't have to depend on the graciousness of other fans to sub videos, and I could go on.

Anyway, Sehun and Gwangsu take refuge between a car and a hedge. The girls run past, screaming. Apparently, Sehun is winded after the short run and says he "might die." Uh, sorry, isn't he supposed to be able to dance and sing for hours? Isn't he required to have massive amounts of stamina? (Not THAT kind of stamina) 

Sehun says they might have to move, because no one can know where EXO's house is. Ooh, intrigue-y-ness and spy stuff. And...I kind of thought that the dorm locations of some K-pop stars were fairly common knowledge...whatever. Gwangsu takes Sehun's hat and runs off, pretending to be Sehun. The girls take chase, Gwangsu runs away in slo-mo, and Sehun dramatically reaches out after Sehun and yells "My friend!" in slo-mo.

His face kinda looks like one of those Greek tragedy masks...

Meanwhile, Yeonhee is arranging crap in the kitchen. Behind her there is a fricken giant poster of EXO. If I had to live in a house with giant posters of me and my friends everywhere, I'd deface them no matter how good I looked just for laughs. Because, really, who wants to see their face everywhere, all the time, unless they're some kind of narcissist?

YOU CANNOT ESCAPE.

D.O. comes in and scares her, making her drop a plate. They're about the same height, and oh my gosh he is so cute and squeezable. They both say that they'll clean it up and make a dive for the floor at the same time. I was actually expecting them to bang heads. HEADS, not anything else. ;) Yeonhee cuts herself, because K-drama girls are made of stupidity and tissue paper. D.O. is like "I told you I'd do it." (And then he rises up and screams "WHY DO YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!?!" and stabs her with one of the plate pieces.)

Nah, he takes her to the living room and puts a bandage on her. In the background, there is ANOTHER giant picture of EXO. Chen is staring off to the left judgingly.



After D.O. bandages her finger, he tells her to raise her arms. Yeonhee thinks he's punishing her (Koreans sometimes punish someone by making them face a corner and put their arms up), but D.O. says that'll make the bleeding stop faster and smiles and laughs adorably.

D.O. says that he feels like he's not very close to her, but Yeonhee disagrees, stating that she's the most comfortable around him. Yeah, I get that. I mean, it's like he's a teddy bear come to life. If it weren't for all the Satansoo stuff circling around, I'd see him as the least threatening k-pop star ever. I could probably take D.O. At least I could sit on him and squash him to death if need be. Ah, crap...I've gone from thinking he's the cutest thing ever to thinking about crushing him to death in 10 seconds...I'm so sorry bby.

Other k-pop stars I see as extremely non-threatening to my health and wellbeing (from the limited stuff I've seen of them and my own personal perceptions) are N and Ken from VIXX,

(so cute and fluffy and sweet, tho N could/would probably slap me to death)

Woozi from Seventeen (seriously, that dude is so tiny),

Ryeowook from Super Junior/Super Junior M,

 Xiao from Up10tion,

and Sangmin from Cross Gene (he looks scary, but he seems super sweet and maybe a little ditzy).

Anyway, D.O. asks if he can be the guy that she likes the most, and the episode ends. 

Note: Part of the quotes and all the gifs for this post are from another site since KissAsian is down.

ZEDD Cross Gene Movie Recap Part 2

So my arm and shoulder are better, but now my left knee is hurting like crazy. I don't know why; I've just sat around on my butt and watched VIXX TV and VIXX MVs (making the most of my break, yo). If I was a hypochondriac, I'd say I had early onset arthritis or a degenerative joint disorder or Satansoo put a curse on me or something for admitting I wanted to squeeze him.


(picture is not mine obvi)

Anyway, we last left off with Cross Gene arguing on whether or not they should focus on their new song or get to a possible sanctuary. They have a ridiculous riddle to decode before they can find the sanctuary. 

Some unidentified amount of time after Seyoung leaves Youngseok outside, Cross Gene goes to sleep. Okay, they sleep. Good to know. Interestingly, none of them even try to sleep in a comfortable place or use anything resembling pillows or blankets; they just sleep right on the floor, like babies/little kids do (I used to like sleeping under tables. The carpet was just soft enough.)

The next day (I assume it's the next day), they go into a building that resembles a cross between the museum in BTS's Blood Sweat and Tears MV and the mall where Jonnie and those other guys get ambushed by the Psychlos in Battlefield Earth. It's littered with the ubiquitous paper trash that is used in post-apocalyptic movies to make places look Desolate and Empty (I'm looking at you, 28 Days Later).

BTS's museum...

Ridiculously well-built mall...

And Cross Gene's building.

They sneak around with their guns, like they're expecting an ambush of bloodthirsty vampire bats or something (they keep looking up). Seyoung says they need to find ammunition.

...Interesting place to look for ammunition, isn't it? Next time, I suggest a Walmart or a gun store (wait, are there Walmarts in China or wherever the heck this is supposed to be set?) Casper suggests they split up, and Shin and Takuya go with him. Going up the stairs, Casper and Takuya have another mini-argument regarding music or survival. Seyoung's group (him, Sangmin, and Youngseok) goes into a hallway lined with jail cells [??]. So...is this a courthouse?? I seriously doubt a regular jail would have such an elaborate entrance. Youngseok muses that the place looks familiar, and Sangmin wonders what happened to the dude who framed them. Good, at least there's *some* explanation as to why they got sent to jail. Seyoung and Youngseok say that maybe he's a zombie if karma came back to bite him in the butt.

Somehow, Sangmin makes the logical leap from "bad guy might be zombie" to "everyone who's a zombie must have done something bad." [?] I'd just assume he was a zombie, because, you know, *most* people are zombies now (in the movie. not in the real world). Sangmin feels sorry for the kids that have to be zombies too. (Don't they turn into zombies because someone bites them, not because they did something bad?) Seyoung says that they can't save them, since they aren't doctors or scientists. Well, not with that attitude you can't. Sangmin and Youngseok reminisce about a dude in prison who wrote with his hips [?]. They start wiggling their hips and yelling, while Seyoung unsuccessfully tries to shush them.

Meanwhile, Casper, Shin, and Takuya are arguing over which canned food is best. Shin says Spam (obligatory link to the Monty Python skit), Casper, scallops (yummmm), and Takuya, tuna (blegh). Shin says that scallops stink (what is with ur nose dude? Tuna STINKS). Casper points this out, just as they hear something up ahead. They instantly aim their guns at the hallway in front of them. After a while, a girl peeks out of one of the doorways. They wonder if she's a zombie or not, as some zombies charge at them from a hallway perpendicular to theirs.

Apparently, they have No Peripheral Vision (and they're slightly deaf), but Casper notices the undead horde charging at them just in time and starts shooting. Seyoung hears the shots and runs off, Sangmin and Youngseok following. In an office (seriously, what kind of building has a museum entrance, a Von-Trapp-esque staircase, jail cells, AND offices?), Casper's group has taken refuge behind some desks, while a few zombies shuffle around looking for them. Casper has run out of ammo (way to go, buddy), so Takuya gives him some. Shin looks at his belt, mutters that they need to save the girl, and runs off.

The girl (who's around 10-12, maybe) runs out of the building, Shin following her silently. He chases her down some fire-escape-like stairs in to something that resembles an alley. Hey, dude, how about saying that you're here to help instead of chasing her like some predator? She stops in a corner, next to a conspicuously open window. Shin catches up to her, yelling that they need to leave before the zombies get there. She just hugs an ugly blue bear and stands there.

Shin and Casper both grab at her and try to make her come with them. Takuya tells them to chill and adopts a gentler but slower approach. Seriously, the  three of them could probably grab her and drag her off...it's better than being chewed to jerky by a bunch of white American extras in runny makeup and rubber masks. Takuya holds out a chocolate bar and coaxes her forward with it. Good man. Chocolate is the way to a woman's heart.

Except for those freaks who don't like chocolate because it's too bitter for them.

Suddenly, a zombie comes out of the open window. Takuya shoves the girl back towards Casper and Shin, and the zombie starts gnawing on his neck. 

"I love you/Baby I'm not a monster..."

Even though he's literally a few feet away, Casper is reluctant to shoot the zombie because he's afraid of hitting Takuya. Seyoung, standing quite a ways away on the stairs leading to the rooftop or alley or wherever the heck Casper/Shin/Takuya/Girl/Zombie are, shoots it instead. Horrified, Shin puts his hands on Takuya's neck to stop the blood. Yeah, Shin is totally upset. Now he won't be able to blow on Takuya's neck anymore. 

Takuya says to kill him before he turns into a zombie. Shin is like "Aw, heck no, bro!" and opens his eyes INCREDIBLY WIDE--wider than IU's even. Shin starts screaming and crying that they totally can't kill Takuya and overacts horribly. That's kind of strange; he seemed like a fairly good actor in Big and Bachelor Vegetable Store. A whiny, bratty, ditzy, spoiled actor nonetheless, but still better than the crazy-eyed screaming beast that he is in Zedd. Seyoung points his gun at Takuya, preparing to put a bullet in his brain, and Shin screams and cries even more.

EXO Next Door (우리 옆집에 EXO가 산다) Episode 9 Recap

Previously: Chanyeol is jelly of Hawt Guy. The Fab Four think that Yeonhee likes Kai. Kai enters House EXO.

We begin with a shot of Tao, Xiumin, Lay, and Chen walking into a room and greeting the rest of EXO. YAY YAY YAY MORE XIUMIN AND FINALLY CHEN...! I guess EXO-M was separated from EXO-K for a long time...wait, did EXO-M still exist then? We get some nice shots of them greeting, smiling, hugging, and being all cutesy, with some nice EXO background music (Lucky). A few months ago, I wouldn't have known most of these guys from Adam. However, after hours of watching their MVs extensive research, I now know who's who. EXO Showtime was a blessing in helping me figure out who the heck was who, because their MVs are a really crappy way to learn their faces and names--especially Overdose--you can hardly even see their faces.

"Get off my foot, Chen. Holy crap, that hurts."

Apparently, EXO is there for a photoshoot, so they disperse to get their hair and makeup done. They grin at each other like they're on happy pills or sharing some massive joke. 

"I just love you so much, Kai. Much more than Chanyeol. Seriously."

There's a montage of Tao and Xiumin doing a photoshoot together and being all funny and silly and cutesy and I'm so happy that I finally get to see them ~ ~ <3 <3  
Kai and Suho look on and laugh at them.

"xiumin ur 26 pls stop"

"Wait till they see how they get photoshopped..."

"PHOTOSHOOTS ARE FUNNY, HA HA."

Kai and Suho do their photoshoot next. Chen, meanwhile, is handing out food to the crew, and being all smiley and sweet. I would accuse him of faking to look good, but he did something similar on EXO Showtime. Even though poor Kai has nasty hair again that makes him look like a 30 year old creepy uncle (though it's nowhere near as bad as it was in Call Me Baby--blegh), Suho looks quite good. ;)  Apparently, Chanyeol and D.O. share my sentiment, because they notice with relief that Suho looks good (though they actually mean that he looks well enough to start dancing again). 
Sehun: *longingly* Look at Kai tho! He's so masculine.
Chanyeol: Duh, you idiot. He's not a girl.  
Sehun: *thoroughly chewed out* Uh, yeah.

Lay: *plays guitar*
Baekhyun: *sings*
Fangirls: *scream and die*
Lay: Hey Baekhyun, you think Chanyeol seemed a little stressed about song writing lately?   (LAY IS TALKING OMO!)
Baekhyun: "Art is agony. You know that."   [lol]
Lay: *nods*
Yeah, I think Lay does know. After all, he was able to make Mr. Happy-About-Everything Chanyeol (Real Chanyeol) feel depressed.

Chen: *entering* I have coffee! Who wants some! (CHENNNN)
Chen: *gives coffee to Xiumin*
Xiumin: "Wow, Fairy Chen Mother!"   [LOLOL]
Baekhyun: What's a Fairy Chen Mother?
Lay: Chen takes care of us like a fairy godmother, so we call him that. (Awww.)
I wouldn't mind having a Fairy Chen Mother--provided he could do the same things as a fairy godmother. Sure, he'd be nice to look at, but I'd rather have someone with actual magic powers. 

"At least he tries; this coffee is seriously crap."

I'm finding Lay's part in this kind of surreal, because he almost never talks or does anything in EXO Showtime (or at least they cut out his parts). At least he seems to be pretty good at playing himself; he's not nearly as wooden as I thought he'd be. And I hear through the KissAsian grapevine that he's been in a few C-dramas and is pretty good.

Baekhyun: Guess what. We have a secret member. It's Incheon Gal.
Xiumin: Oh yeah, your house cleaner, right?
Tao: *looking very excited* Is she pretty? [LOL TAO]
Baekhyun: I dunno. But she cleans the house well. [??] wut, baekhyun?? u don't have an opinion on whether she's pretty or not? Maybe he *does* only have eyes for Taeyeon...
Tao: I hear she's good at killing cockroaches. [LOLOLOL] 
(On a mostly unrelated note, Tao's Korean accent seems to have improved
since EXO Showtime days. I'm happy for him. Also, the poor hair girl keeps trying to fix Baekhyun's hair, but he keeps turning and moving and wriggling.)
Tao: (to Chanyeol) I want to meet her. Call her and make her come here. 

Well well, someone's assertive. And interestingly enough, for all his girly-ness and sensitivity (seriously. he is such a little girl), Tao seems like he'd actually do that in real life.
Chanyeol: Why would I do that?
Baekhyun: u chicken man? "Does your heart race or something?" 

Why did they give Baekhyun hot pink lipstick again??

Chanyeol: *freaking* (he does a surprisingly good job, lol) Why would I be nervous?
Chen, Baekhyun, Xiumin, Tao, and Lay: Let us see. Let us see. Let us see.
Chanyeol: Okay, okay! Chill. *calls Yeonhee*

Yeonhee: *enters the photoshoot room and is almost instantly blinded by
the hotness of Tao, Xiumin, Chen, and Lay*
All of them: *greet her and compliment her appearance*
Chen: *is sadly a wooden actor*
Tao: *stares with empty eyes*
(seriously, Tao's lights are on, but no one is home)

The four of them leave, so Yeonhee is free to check out Chanyeol as he does his photoshoot. Kai comes up to her and circles around her like she's a UFO or an alien artifact that just fell out of the sky. He brings her just outside the room, where it's more quiet. As they sit down, Chanyeol (who can see them through the open door) agonizes about what they could POSSIBLY be doing (they're just talking, bro. It's not like Kai's gonna jump her bones right there in the hallway). Chanyeol starts messing up the photoshoot by squirming and looking away from the camera. His irises look like little chocolate balls (I'm craving chocolate, shoot me). 

"I'm going to kill you and wear your skin."

Kai breaks out the charm and asks Yeonhee why she's there. She explains she came to give a folder to Chanyeol (lol, way to cover your back, dude), who is becoming more agitated by the second. They're obviously discussing their plans to sew the EXO members (sans Kai) butt to mouth for the Korean version of Human Centipede. C'mon, it's a strategic move. Get EXO member(s) in a movie or show, and people are bound to watch it no matter the quality *cough* Scarlet Heart Ryeo *cough* 

Just look at them, conspiring.

Kai leaves to do the group photoshoot, but he tells her to stay where she is. D.O. greets her, is adorable, and takes the folder from her to give to Chanyeol. A staff member closes the doors, leaving her in the hallway alone. We get a nice shot of their group photo (was this an actual photoshoot?) and then the scene switches to House EXO, where Chanyeol moodily climbs into bed (fully clothed though, sorry) and wangsts about the fact that Yeonhee
likes Kai instead of him. Hey, instead of wangsting, he could go throw darts at one of those giant Kai posters. Just an idea.

"You are SO dead, Kai."

He dreams that he's a kid again, and his grandpa is berating him for losing "it...not once, but twice." What, his virginity? (I'm so sorry). Chanyeol explains that he broke it (the necklace, of course), but Grandpa is very cryptic, telling him only that it's "close by." Maybe it's a bad translation. So it's in the house? Didn't we already establish that in what, Episode 2?

Later, Chanyeol moodily makes coffee and watches Kai and Yeonhee wiping dishes. (Totally unrelated, but there's an awesome balloon animal statue on the shelf behind Chanyeol.)  

"How can I kill him and make it look like an accident?"

Kai: Don't be so polite.
Yeonhee: Okay. *smashes a plate over his head* (Unfortunately, she doesn't actually do this).
Kai: If you're too polite, we can't be friends.
Kai is even more charming than before, perhaps even a bit flirty. He's playing on Chanyeol's jealousy and insecurity, and enjoying every second of it. Chanyeol wonders "Did he learn the art of seduction?" [lol] I doubt very highly that Kai needs to be seductive in the slightest; I'm sure every EXO member has an army of fangirls that would do anything for them, no seduction required.

Kai decides to screw with Chanyeol even more. He takes Yeonhee to the fridge (she muses about how good he looks, even in front of the fridge) [?], pulls out some hand cream, and gives it to her. Chanyeol, meanwhile, is acting like they're going to do it inside the fridge if he doesn't intervene. Kai explains that she'll need the hand cream, because the Fab Four keep her busy doing housework. As he says this, he throws several glances over his shoulder at Chanyeol, who is smoldering with rage. And there the episode ends.

ZEDD Cross Gene Movie Recap Part 1

So since the semester is finally over, I thought I'd go to bed early and sleep in since I can now. But the last few nights I've stayed up past 11 looking at k-pop memes and ugly pictures of Chanyeol (there are surprisingly quite a few ugly pictures of him, the members of GOT-7, and Taehyung from BTS, and almost none of Jin (BTS), N (VIXX), and Luhan). What am I doing with my life? 
*cue existential crisis*
And since I got about 5 hours of sleep last night (though not for lack of trying) excuse me if I seem less understandable than usual. I'm utterly exhausted. My right arm is hurting for no reason, and no amount of shoulder-popping or neck rubbing is helping.
*cue k-drama girl wailing, flailing, and hair-ruffling* 

Aaaanyway, today I'm going to start recapping a K-movie. This movie is not like your typical K-movie; it has zombies, stars a k-pop group (not EXO, but that would be So. Awesome), and is amazingly wonderful in that cheesy "oh-my-gosh-i-can't-believe-this actually-exists" way. Basically, the world has become overrun by zombies, and Cross Gene is trying to survive while continuing to do their singing and dancing. It's not a musical though--THANK GOODNESS.

The movie begins with Shin and Seyoung inside a black pickup outside some warehouses. Shin is in the driver's seat, Seyoung in the passenger seat. So Shin is the official driver of Cross Gene? He drove in one of their MVs...
Oh, and my sisters and I joke that Jin from BTS is a horrible driver, (even though he's the only one driving in their MVs) because he crashed into those boxes in No More Dream...but it's hard to drive a school bus, isn't it? They (Shin and Seyoung, not BTS) are wearing orange prison jumpsuits. Ooh, have Cross Gene been bad? Some chick on the radio is talking in English. "This is an emergency broadcast. Please take shelter inside a building." Oookay, wanna tell us what the emergency's about?? Seyoung flips the radio through a few channels, and the message is repeated in Chinese, Japanese, and Korean.

Shin (who is blonde, whyyy) whines that the radio makes him "sick" and Seyoung should turn it off. Seyoung argues that there might be something else on the radio. (like a gardening show or a stupid podcast about Lord of the Rings made by stupid people in giant hipster glasses that think they're  *so nerdy*??) (LOL, but that would be funny; Cross Gene listening to an English radio show about gardening and trying to figure out what the show was about--would Casper know?) Shin disagrees, dramatically hitting the steering wheel, and whine-exposits that it's been "212 days since Z-Day."

We get an outside shot of the car. I swear, my brothers had toy car that looked exactly like that. As is required in most zombie films, it's overcast and everything has a bluish tint (like everything in the Matrix had a greenish tint). Inside one of the dark(ish) warehouse-type buildings, there's a lot of stuff hanging down (you know, sheets of plastic and stuff that lets you see the silhouette of a person, like in horror movies), and various other debris you find in abandoned warehouses.

Casper, Youngseok, Takyua, and Sangmin are holding flashlights and rifles and dramatically tiptoeing around. They look exactly like 15-year-old airsoft players trying to look like Navy SEALs. They are wearing prison jumpsuits as well. Youngseok is wearing a Western hat, and is pulling it off veeery well. Okay, so did Cross Gene go to prison? [lolol] I mean, the choreography in some of their MVs could be classified as violations of the Geneva Convention *cough* Amazing Bad Lady and Billion Dolla *cough*, and coloring Shin's 
hair blonde is a criminal offense, but still...

Using a walkie-talkie stuffed in a pocket near the shoulder of his jumpsuit, Shin asks the building group what their "status" is. Yeah, why *are* they in the building? I hope it's for something important, like food or medical supplies or something. When he doesn't hear anything after 1.5 seconds, he screams "What's going on?!". Chill, dude. With that group's reaction time, you should allow them at least 5 seconds. Casper replies into a similarly placed walkie-talkie that he can't talk right now. Shin tells them to hurry, and does his crazy eyes and grin from Play With Me (Nahago Nolja). I think Shin just did that because he
wanted to play with the walkie-talkie.

THESE eyes. And now they will haunt my non-existent dreams.

The foursome continues on through the building. Casper and Sangmin have the top half of their jumpsuits wrapped around their waists (to show off their sculpted arms, obvi). Casper has a black tank top, and Sangmin has a white one. I'm sure this is very significant.They near a corner, where there is a long fluorescent (one of those words I still can't spell right as a college student) light swinging by its cord. Casper jumps out like an idiot. Fortunately, there's only a zombie there, and not anything dangerous like the God of Destruction, Leo (VIXX), or Satansoo (the dark side of EXO's cutie Kyungsoo). 

Casper jumps back and consults with his buddies on whether or not they should kill the zombie. I should point out that each of them speaks their native language (Casper Chinese, Takuya Japanese, and the other four Korean), and all of them are able to understand each other. Later on there's some English speaking characters. I guess that whatever zombified most of the world turned the remaining people into omnilinguals. Sweeet, man. Or maybe they have Babel Fish in their ears or something.

The swinging light looks a lot like a lightsaber (shameless EXO plug) (frickin' weird song, though--Korean guys trashing a convenience store and laying in giant sinks with their faces airbrushed within an inch of their lives doesn't exactly scream "Star Wars") Speaking of hot, Sangmin looks fiiine here. Weird. I've never found him that attractive. 

They discuss how many they've killed--hundreds--and Sangmin is like "LOL, I killed a bunch already; I'll get him!". The others yell at Sangmin to stop, but he steps out and happily blasts it away. Takuya's like "You dip, I said the sound would wake them up!"

Yeah, it was incredibly stupid to shoot the thing. It obviously wasn't a big threat--they could have bashed its head in with a blunt object. But we have to have Story and Problems and Tense Situations, so the rest of the zombie nest wakes up. The foursome inside the building take up a cool stupid looking pose and start shooting. Youngseok has Western revolvers to go with his Western hat. Aww, cute! Outside, Shin and Seyoung hear the shots and Seyoung starts screaming into the walkie talkie. (Interestingly enough, Seyoung looks a LOT like Lay here.)

Hearing no response, Seyoung gets into the bed of the truck and prepares to shoot any zombies coming out of the building. The foursome comes running out, the zombies following. The speed of the zombies is in between Night of the Living Dead zombies (soooo slow) and 28 Days Later zombies (really freaking fast). So, a fast walk. Seyoung yells at someone (Sangmin?) to not waste ammo. Good idea, dude. Really. Sangmin runs up and shows a box to Seyoung [?], all happy and grinning like he's a dog who just fetched poop instead of the stick you threw. The four jump on the truck and they zoom away. A bunch more zombies come out of the building to wave their arms and groan.

The title, "Zedd", comes onscreen. I'm not quite sure why the title is what it is; whether it's an acronym or a nonsense word or what. Anyway, we follow the car through the desolate streets of a city as the beginning credits (which are in English) roll. The music is actually pretty nice; your average tense, slightly epic, apocalypse videogame-type music. (I am so horrible at describing things...) The car is driving through a downtown area, and all the signs I can see are in English. So did they film this in the US or something? Everything looks really American--even the zombies looked white [LOL]. Going by the names in the credits, a lot of the people that worked on this movie were white and English-speaking, or Japanese. Interesting.

After the credits, we cut to a badly-lit abandoned bar where Cross Gene has set up shop. Interestingly, they don't call each other by their real names or their stage names; instead they call each other numbers. I don't think why they do this is ever explained. Seyoung cleans off a table and spreads a map on it, looking all studious and whatnot. Goofily grinning, Sangmin holds up a bottle of alcohol and says "Can I drink this?" It's funny to think that he's well over the drinking age, even for the US.
(Crap, I have to stop giffing Sangmin.)

Takuya, being the mature, responsible person that he is, tells him not to. I'm not familiar with how they act in real life (sorry bbys, if I misrepresent you), so I'm not sure if they're playing themselves, Flanderized versions of themselves, or characters entirely different from them.

Youngseok asks if they can start "playing" (Nahago Nolja namedrop??) and Seyoung says "not now." Sadly, Youngseok looks at a game box, which is actually the box that Sangmin showed Seyoung after they ran out of the building. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT THE HECK?? They went into that building and risked their lives for a BOARD GAME?? whaaaat?? This better be a really important board game, that's all I can say. 

"If I had to live my life without you near me/The days would be so empty/The nights would seem so long"

Shin and Takuya (why is that so hard to spell??) discuss the progress of their newest song [?] (it's "coming together"), but Casper says they're wasting time. Seyoung agrees "[their] priority is to get to the sanctuary." [??] You know, what, screw it. I'm suspending my disbelief and I'm going to relax, because it's just a show. Kick me if I start complaining about how unrealistic this is again.

Shin is like, "Well...yeah, but "we can't forget what we do best together." Wellll, I just thought of about 10 really dirty things. It's Shin's fault, with the fanservice he does. And actually, Cross Gene has been making some really funny parodies lately. Shin further exposits that movies and music are the only things keeping normal people from turning into zombies, and that life is meaningless without them. Well...that's kind of cool. And original, at least. No stupid viruses for this movie! (I'm not being sarcastic) Meanwhile, Youngseok and Sangmin have opened the game and started playing with the pieces. Aww. Casper needs to chill and play with the rest of Cross Gene. Embrace his inner kid and whatnot. Okay, I GUESS you could make the argument that the game is important because without it they would turn into zombies...

Casper rationally points out that there's no one around to hear their song, which shuts Shin up. Casper and Takuya argue whether or not they should have a goal (to make their lives more meaningful) or just try to survive. I have to admit, it's cool to hear them argue in 3 languages. And Casper's accent is not nearly as irritating as the accents in the C-drama "Ode To Joy." Seyoung is like "Shut up, y'all. We need to discuss what we're going to do tomorrow." Huh, lemme guess. Are they going to make an intrepid endeavor into an abandoned Costco to find a Chutes and Ladders game? (Wait, Costco doesn't sell Chutes and Ladders games, do they?)

As the rest of Cross Gene heads towards Seyoung's table, Takuya stops Shin and gives him a belt. Shin is overjoyed, like a little kid (a little kid who's really overacting) on Christmas. Apparently, it's the "transforming belt from the second Cross Rider." [??] I googled that, and all the results I found were for a computer virus. Yeah. So I guess this "Cross Rider" is a fictional anime or something  that only exists in the Zedd universe. He puts it on and heads to Seyoung's table. 

Pointing to the map, Seyoung explains that they're close to where he thinks the sanctuary is--at the entrance to "Marina Macau". So...they're on the peninsula of Macau, the "Special Administrative Region" of China Macau? (Yeah, look at me, professors. I'm being rebellious and linking to WIKIPEDIA!!) I guess that's not *too* far off from my original guess of Hawaii. The movie was filmed in LA, apparently.

So, any guesses as to what's stopping them from getting to the sanctuary? An angry horde of zombies? An angry horde of paparazzi? A drooling herd of fangirls? No gas? No ammo? Nope, it's a riddle. 

(The love of my sister's life, Kim Taehyung)

Not saying anything. Not saying anything. It's just a show, and I'm relaxing. Here it is. See if you can figure it out before our intrepid detectives do.
"3/7 and 17/24 arrive each time. The gate to the sanctuary opens on the road where there is no road." I don't know how well that translates to/from Korean, Japanese, Chinese, and English, but the riddle seems all Greek to me. Anyway, major kudos to the writers and translators--it seems like it would be hard to make a movie in 4 languages and have it still make sense. Sangmin grins like a 12-year-old who just heard something dirty.

Holding his chin in his hand like an adorable little Korean Sherlock, Youngseok says that they should search for ideas "efficiently", not "blindly." The others "whoah" like he just said something extremely insightful, and Youngseok cutely shrugs it off. Seyoung chimes in, saying they need to save gas and bullets. He looks pointedly at Sangmin as he says the last bit. Casper and Youngseok point out that there might not be anything at Marina Macau,
because they haven't heard anything on the radio in a month. Seyoung replies that they have to try. 

Sangmin: Okay, done with the boring stuff. Let's play!
Seyoung (AKA Wet Blanket): Wait, we have to think of ideas.
Shin: *grins manaically*
Sangmin: "No one ever thinks of anything anyway." (story brainstorming sessions with my sister in a nutshell)
Shin: I agree!
The others run off and start gabbling over the game, leaving Seyoung all by his lonesome. He walks outside (with his gun of course, he's not an idiot) and sits down.

Youngseok, who noticed him leaving, follows him outside. Apparently, Youngseok has a vest, cowboy boots, and spurs to complete his ensemble. My sister said a while back that Korean guys should dress up in Western outfits (along with the myriad of other costumes they wear--seriously, WHY does TOP have one of those Buckingham palace guard hats in Bang Bang Bang?), because they would look really hot. Well, she was right.

Anyway, they discuss their priorities: Seyoung is for finding the sanctuary, whereas Youngseok is of the opinion that they "need proof [they] are alive." Youngseok says that he and "Thirteen" (Shin?) have been making dance moves for their new song, and does some of the choreography for Billion Dolla. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Cross Gene REALLY REALLY needs a new choreographer. Seyoung replies in a deadpan tone, "Is that necessary?" What, having choreography for the song or the actual moves themselves? 

Youngseok replies that they need a "cool" dance for their "future world tour", (PLS DO A WORLD TOUR CROSS GENE) then keeps doing the very un-cool dance. He tries to get Seyoung to join him, but Wet Blanket Seyoung goes back inside, leaving Youngseok to stare gloomily at the dead world by himself. The music in this scene is very nice; it's that ambient space-type music that makes you feel like you're floating in a massive void and puts you to sleep.